Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
