you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
