My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
