he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
