glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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