I didn't shave. On purpose
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
