But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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