There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
