yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Just high enough for therapy.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
