Dual....:-)
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
