I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
