K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
