quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
