im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You're like the curious george of whores
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
