Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
