You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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