who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
please come you make the beer taste better
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
