Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
