i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
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