She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
