Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
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