So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
