he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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