There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
