U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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