yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
