So drunk, too bad you don't want this
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
