How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
