Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
