well you can't waste a boner
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
