i love accidental penises.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
