I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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