I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
