As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Randomize
