Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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