Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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