The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
