I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
