I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i would punch a child for taco bell
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
