Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
