Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
