I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
