That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
