Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Randomize
