my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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