last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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