i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
