Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
