Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
