So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
