Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
